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Philip Maddocks: Supreme Court to hear arguments on whether President Obama is a birth certificateless al-Qaida plant
Leavenworth Times
Philip Maddocks, Gatehouse News Service
3/30/2012
SATIRE
Excerpt:
"Bending to political pressure and hoping to duplicate the popular appeal of its recent hearings, the Supreme Court justices agreed to hear arguments challenging the veracity of president Obama’s birth certificate and the claim that he is not a radicalized terrorist bent on remaking the country into a socialist state.
“Only time will tell whether we will have hundreds of people camping out on sidewalks for days in hopes of getting a ticket and spending $36 to $50 an hour to hire professional “line standers” to do the waiting for them, but I’ve got a good feeling about this one. I think it could be even bigger and more divisive than the hearings on the Affordable Care Act,” said Justice Anthony Kennedy.
Chief Justice John Roberts Jr. agreed.
“With all the ramifications a ruling against the individual mandate would have on the legal underpinnings of the Social Security Act, unemployment insurance benefits, Medicare, the National Labor Relations Act, the Occupational and Safety Health Act, the Clean Air Act, all federal disaster relief, the Anti-Trust Act, the Equal Pay Act, and all jurisprudence related to public accommodations,” he said, “I know it is hard to believe that this astonishing display of judicial activism the court has shown in taking up the constitutionality of the Affordable Care Act would ever be eclipsed in our lifetimes, but here we are.
“I think these new arguments, with an even more politically-charged legal history, have the potential to become far more contentious than anything that has come before this court. I am really looking forward to it and I think the American people are, too.”
At stake, noted Justice Clarence Thomas, is not just a ruling on whether an enemy of the state has set up business in the oval office, but — and more importantly — whether the nation’s highest judicial body, with its prohibitions against sending Twitter messages, making telephone calls, and using laptops or iPads in the courtroom, can remain relevant in the digital age.
“I think the numbers we drew for the hearings on the Affordable Care Act shows that you don’t need a Facebook page, a hashtag or a “Dancing With the Stars” appearance to connect with the public,” said Justice Antonin Scalia as he played with a newly purchased Etch A Sketch."
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View the complete satirical article at:
http://www.leavenworthtimes.com/opin...al-Qaida-plant
Leavenworth Times
Philip Maddocks, Gatehouse News Service
3/30/2012
SATIRE
Excerpt:
"Bending to political pressure and hoping to duplicate the popular appeal of its recent hearings, the Supreme Court justices agreed to hear arguments challenging the veracity of president Obama’s birth certificate and the claim that he is not a radicalized terrorist bent on remaking the country into a socialist state.
“Only time will tell whether we will have hundreds of people camping out on sidewalks for days in hopes of getting a ticket and spending $36 to $50 an hour to hire professional “line standers” to do the waiting for them, but I’ve got a good feeling about this one. I think it could be even bigger and more divisive than the hearings on the Affordable Care Act,” said Justice Anthony Kennedy.
Chief Justice John Roberts Jr. agreed.
“With all the ramifications a ruling against the individual mandate would have on the legal underpinnings of the Social Security Act, unemployment insurance benefits, Medicare, the National Labor Relations Act, the Occupational and Safety Health Act, the Clean Air Act, all federal disaster relief, the Anti-Trust Act, the Equal Pay Act, and all jurisprudence related to public accommodations,” he said, “I know it is hard to believe that this astonishing display of judicial activism the court has shown in taking up the constitutionality of the Affordable Care Act would ever be eclipsed in our lifetimes, but here we are.
“I think these new arguments, with an even more politically-charged legal history, have the potential to become far more contentious than anything that has come before this court. I am really looking forward to it and I think the American people are, too.”
At stake, noted Justice Clarence Thomas, is not just a ruling on whether an enemy of the state has set up business in the oval office, but — and more importantly — whether the nation’s highest judicial body, with its prohibitions against sending Twitter messages, making telephone calls, and using laptops or iPads in the courtroom, can remain relevant in the digital age.
“I think the numbers we drew for the hearings on the Affordable Care Act shows that you don’t need a Facebook page, a hashtag or a “Dancing With the Stars” appearance to connect with the public,” said Justice Antonin Scalia as he played with a newly purchased Etch A Sketch."
.................................................. ............
View the complete satirical article at:
http://www.leavenworthtimes.com/opin...al-Qaida-plant